i'm not really sure with what has been going on lately.
i've generally just been in various states of confusion for the past week or so.
slowly my mind has begun to unravel its mysteries.
keyword there being slowly.
as in my mind has become slower.
i thought i knew what made sense and that i had it all in order.
then through combination of hormones, drugs, and alcohol, things got a little chaotic.
it was such a strange situation.
not having the means to understand where even i stood amidst confusion.
we spent 4 days apart, not talking to one another.
it was good to hang out again.
i felt lost not knowing where i was with out him.
not that i need him, but i need him to be my friend.
if i lose him as a friend, i lose a whole lot more than just a person.
my mind is so blocked. it is full of junk and stones.
my eyes are blurred and cannot get a clear focus.
ideas are not flowing. big stones.
my essay is due tomorrow.
it at this point in time, is one sentence long.
and trust me, its a very bad sentence,
i don't even think i finished it.
i over ate. three slices and a lot of cookie dough.
it never feels like i expect it too.
gets me every time.
i feel sick now.
i don't know what to do.
i just want it to be done.
i could take til monday and lose 20%.
but that sucks.
but right now, my head can't even find the words.
everything feels impossible.
this essay could have been on anything else, ad i could have done it before now.
but how do you write on essay Steve Stavro's Monument in Mount Pleasant Cemetery?
there is no information. there are horrible pictures. i can't even see the monument in detail.
its artistic sources and the audience it addresses. seriously for 6 pages.
sheer panic.
my head isn't right.
I'll get what i can done tonight and in the morning and try to get it done for saturday.
i cant even hand it in on the weekends. not fair.
really not fair.
everything is frustrating.
my painting is congested.
my head is congested.
my life is congested.
this sucks.
