Penciling more time...please?

Drawing is boring. It's true. But art isn't fun. It's hard, as it should be or you're doing something wrong, at least on university level, whatever that means.

Almost two done, and two left to go. Avoiding the faces, for obvious reasons. So far so good. Although I wasted a lot of time today. But I did get something done, which is more than nothing, which seems to be what I'm good at doing lately.

I have never felt so loose and fragile. I have a hard time remembering who I am. Men ruin me. I want to be able to myself without having to check to see if I'm doing it right. I want to relax but I'm afraid if I do, I will change into being something he doesn't want, which is ridiculous on several levels. We were great. But now you seem distant and have pushed me into a girlfriend box. You are equally ridiculous. I should kick you. Or maybe I should talk to you. You were my best friend and I don't know why that has changed.

I do need to relax, I want to, I hate being paranoid. When we were friends, I was great, you were great, we felt free when we were together. Please don't imagine me holding you back.

Wow, I need to chill. I shouldn't care this much or concern myself with negative thoughts. It's affecting me and changing me. I just need to focus on getting me right, and if things are meant to be, then they aren't, and if they are, they are. I'm creating my own problems. I need to trust, something which terrifies me. I need to stop surpassing the line of unreasonable questioning.

Once again, chill.

I'll sort this out later.

Finish drawing Grandpa, then go to bed.

nite.

it's me that is being weird.